Friday, March 29, 2013

Script for Cannibals

Scene: cannibal hut/desert island, complete with human body parts on a spit]
[enter Sailors]

Sailor 1: Arrrr, a real cannibal island! Now, I remember reading an essay by some French guy...
Sailor 2 Marner: Michel Montaigne. You didn't read it, you just used Spiff Notes.
Sailor 1 Jonas: Bark Notes, actually, and it's all the same anyway. OK, I'm trying to remember if he gave us any clues about how not to get eaten.
Sailor 2: Just stay cool, man. I read the whole essay, and we just have to remember that just because people are different doesn't make them wrong. Steady, [other sailor is deep breathing] steady as she---
[enter Cannibal]
Cannibal: Boooooo!
[Sailors screech like girls and start shaking]
Cannibal: Haaa, teeny sailor girls screech like stuck pig! Welcome to our island, sailor sandwiches!
Sailor 2 Marner: Look at me, I'm shaking like we're still in that tempest!
Sailor 1 Jonas pirate: Um... I don't think it's sea legs anymore.
Cannibal: No need be frightened!  [switch to normal side] See, we offer you welcome! Rest, help, food! Anyone care for some delicious... Lady Fingers?
Sailor 1 Marner: Sailor 2!!! I mean, Jonas!!!
Sailor 2, nervously, Jonas: Ha! ...I bet they're ...finger-lickin' good! Arg.
Cannibal: HA! No worries, sailor sandwich man, I no eat you, you a comedian!
Sailor 2 Jonas: Well, why not?
Cannibal: Comedian taste funny!
Sailor 2 Jonas: HAA! See, [Marner], they're not so bad! Oh, oh, I got another one: what do you and a HR rep have in common?
Cannibal: What HR rep mean?
Sailor 2: You're both... fed up with people! (snare drum snap)
[Both laugh until Cannibal abruptly stops.] [switch to scary side]
Cannibal: ...all this laughing make me hungry.
Sailor 1: DON'T EAT ME!
Cannibal: Well, we humanists so we like (to eat) humans. I give you TEST. You can answer few question right, we no eat you. You answer wrong... and we helps you find out where you funny bone be.
Sailor 1 and 2: HELP US!

Help the sailors and work toward your own Exploring Brave New Worlds Badge:

option 1: I've already read Michel Montaigne's Of Cannibals. I'm ready for the challenge!
option 2: I need a refresher first! Take me to some texts!

1. Michel Montaigne's writing looks like...
            a. a personal essay
            b. a chapter from a book
            c. a speech to Parliament
            d. both a and b
            e. all of the above

*** 2. Michel Montaigne likes to get his information from...
            a. a famous explorer of the period, Thomas Heriot
            b. the wisest, most experienced explorers on the ocean
            c. Long John Silver, the ship's cook.
            d. a simple, ignorant crew member

3. According to Montaigne, cannibals are savages in the same way...
           a. fire is hot: they will always be that way
           b. a mean dog is ornery: it's been taught to bite back
           c. fruit is wild: it's still in its natural state
           d. heaven is cloudy: it's actually better that way

***4. Montaigne believes cannibals are no more savage than...
           a. Wild apples (since they actually taste better out of the orchard)
           b. Europeans (since they torture their prisoners alive)
           c. Zombies (since they really don't have a choice in what they eat)
          d. Pocahontas (since she ...wasn't around yet)

***5. What are the two chief values of the cannibals?
           a. valor to their enemies and love to their wives
           b. peace and plenty
           c. careful seasoning and perfect barbeque techniques
           d. drinking and dancing

6. Why does M. use so many allusions to older myths and civiliations in history? Name one such nation and do some background research on what the inclusion would have meant to his day. (ad fontes)

7. Humanism

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